what defines us
I wanna be defined by the things that I love
Not the things I hate
Not the things that I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of
Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night
I, I just think that
You are what you love
A few nights ago a very good friend of mine posted “Do you define yourself by your limits or by your potential?” which I saw and thought very hard about it. Now i’ve quoted Taylor Swift above who says this at the end of her song Daylight (Lover, 2019). I do think about my friend’s question every time I listen to the prologue of Daylight. The difference between Swift’s prologue and my friend’s question is based on who’s doing the defining.
Being Defined by Others
When we have a weak sense of self, we allow ourselves to be defined by others and their perception of who we are. Almost subconsciously we allow others to write our destine, tell us how and who we are. And most of the time we let these definitions come from people who don’t even know who they are themselves. Realistically when we live unconsciously and without sensitivity we live in other peoples boxes, labels and opinions. While so much of what i’ve read explains that its best to rid yourself of other peoples labels, I don’t think that’s realistic. People are going to categorise you, you’re going to do it others… which brings us to Daylight.
Daylight - Taylor Swift
It’s no secret that Taylor Swift or any celebrity for that matter is under constant scrutiny. I imagine being famous takes quite a toll and they would experience a level of judgement that I could personally not deal with at 21. I think if everyone was defined by what they loved the world would honestly be a greater place. There are so many negative labels “lazy”, “stupid”, “trash”… I’m sure you thought a few yourself whether it be about yourself or other people. There is certainly overly positive ones which would be harmful as well, however I think if we “defined” others by what they loved, their accomplishments, their beauty… it would emphasise the complexity that we are. And if we’re sitting at home wanting to be defined for the things that we loved I think it would help us lead more loving, caring lives towards others, towards ourselves.
Defining Ourselves
Shahid Kapoor said, “What defines you as a person is not the life you were born in to, but what you made of it.” We aren’t our mental or physical health diagnosis, our jobs, our roles or actions we’ve taken or not taken. the tendency to define ourselves comes from our desire to be distinguishable - try and create a sense of self, or an identity from others. Defining yourself gives you an idea of who you are, what you stand for, your identity, morals, values… But just like being defined or even defining others I want to take a page from Swift and define myself by the things I love.
What About Me?
So I have still not answered the question… and in total transparency the answer is I don’t really know. I know I’m guilty of defining myself based on what I've done or my illnesses even though I still know that’s not who I am. And if i’m honest, I think it’s okay that I don’t know who I am yet. I’m only 21. I know what I love, I know what I value and I think for now that’s enough. I’m complicated. Just like my friend. Just like my family. Just like you.
~ Mackenzie